Many moons ago, I was a practicing solitary Witch. Hard to imagine how I got from there to where I am now: a Tibetan Buddhist. Well, actually it isn't very hard to imagine from my point. You see, I was young and full of ego and thought "I know it all!" in actuality I didn't. As I got older and saw what I was really doing I realized that being a solitary Witch was not all it was cracked up to be. Any one who is familiar with the Pagan community in general knows that some times there is a lot of ego running around. I'm not going to say all Pagans and Witches are ego maniacs, they are not. But I got to a point where I felt oddly out of place. I had been searching for a place to fit in, and realized that I didn't fit in anywhere. My last ditch effort was a very exclusive group, that seemed like a good fit. Until the High Priestess decided she didn't like me and I left on my own accord. So, I was going over these things in my mind and one particular memory stood out: I was taking some college courses quite a few years back, and I fancied myself an important "Witch". In fact my ego filled my head, and I may have said things that I wish I could take back now! I was in fact a snot head. I was running my mouth without thinking and without checking my ego at the door. Yes, I was bragging and not listening to myself. Now when I think back to that one moment, I cringe: what an egotistical snot head you were!
The one thing I learned after being diagnosed with the brain tumor is that sickness doesn't discriminate. It doesn't matter what faith you belong to, or what god you pray to. So in short, my past wasn't going to help me and my future was very uncertain. I couldn't go back to what I was. After the disastrous "group" experience I was hesitant to go there again. I no longer felt like a Witch or a pagan, I was in a sense lost. I had to face a very scary diagnosis and I had to accept the fact that I was not going to come out on the other end the same as I was before.
I think the first time I looked at Buddhism I was not sure what it was about. What was the difference between Theravada and Mahayana? How do I tell my mind to be quite when I meditate? Do I need to meditate four hours a day? And then, the A-HA moment hit: You need to get out of your own head space and get passed your own ego to experience what Buddhism truly is. Everything that I had learned as a Witch/Pagan had to be left at the door. I had put it behind me for some time, so seeing it completely put away didn't hurt. The hard work was yet to come. After doing a lot of reading and research, I came to the conclusion that I flowed better with Mahayana than with Theravada. I was absolutely astounded by the Dalia Lama and started reading his books. Things began to fall into place as I battled the brain tumor crisis. Spiritually I was in a better space, and my snot head ego was slowly being silenced. I won't lie, it is still a work in progress, as we all are!
The giving over of my past was both healing and therapeutic for me. I started to realize that I needed more that just spells, incantations, and ritual. I had to be present, in the moment and see that moment. I have yet to find a Sangha, but for now I am okay with that. I still have healing work and Reiki so I am not alone at all. If nothing, I have learned that if you do not get out of your own head space and ego, you will miss the bigger picture and life will whack you one to make you see it!
Until next time.
C.C.
The Crystal Catalyst is about my journey as I train and work with crystals and Reiki. A major life shift caused me to re-evaluate my place in the world, I never saw myself as a healer, but here I am, are you ready to journey with me through crystals and art, to find your healing?
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Monday, November 2, 2015
Hello...........Is there anyone listening?
Hello...............
No, I did not forget about you, life got in the way. Like seriously in the way, here is the condensed version:
~Moved from Maine to New Hampshire
~Was doing chemo in between said move
~Had to deal with the youngest's issues, and they were many!
~Had to get my life back on track which is not easy to do when life is in total chaos!
So, here we are now, and I am back, and oh, I forgot to mention in that little list up there, my hard drive went on my laptop and it took me about two months to fix. It wasn't officially fixed until I settled in here in New Hampshire. So I am back on track and so happy to be back! So let's dive right in shall we????
Remember how I stated in my first blog post here that this was going to be about my journey as a crystal healer and Reiki Master? Well, let me refresh your memory in case you forgot:
Back in December of 2012 I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was on the right side of my brain and the pain was excruciating.It was successfully removed in Boston at Brigham and Woman's Hospital by a rock star brain surgeon and my outlook and healing were awesome. Then, we got the pathology report back: the tumor was not cancerous but it will never go away. It will come back, when, we don't know. I am under careful watch at Dana Farber (that is where my Neuro Oncologist is) and it is pretty much a waiting game. Every MRI that I have had up until this point has been clean, no spots, no issues. And then in May of this year they found a spot. It wasn't very big, but it was still there. My neuro onc likes to be proactive about this type of thing so he put me on six rounds of chemo, my last does will be this month. After September's dose made me violently ill, I decided to make sure that this dose was going to go as best as I could make it. So, besides all of the meds that I had to help I decided to be proactive and use my other tools that I had: my crystals and Reiki. The trick with chemo is your platelets. If they get too low you can get very sick. They have to be up high enough to withstand the chemo, and then it starts all over again. Needless to say my platelets were screwed after my last dose. They were very low and I was feeling really crappy, so I grabbed my crystals and started working with them on a daily/nightly basis. Now, I didn't sit and just meditate, what I did was every night when I went to bed I would light some incense and get comfy and for 30 minutes just lay there and let the energies of the crystals do their thing. I also did some light Reiki to help, and after about a week my platelets were up to where they needed to be! I have kept a written account of my sessions and maybe in the future will publish them. So, after a week of working with crystals and Reiki, my platelets are at 205! So, this is my work and I am proof that with intent and working with what you have crystals and energy healing like Reiki can work!
The key to this is, having patience. I am not patient by nature (total Aries) but with healing in mind I knew I had to work with my tools and let the energies do their work and not interfere with the process. 30 minutes was not a whole lot of time out of my day, and I look forward to that time at night. So, does crystal healing work? For me, yes it does and I will continue to use it going forward even after my last dose of chemo and to maybe even keep the tumor from coming back! It is a long shot but one that I will document as I go along!
So tell me, how have you been?
Till next time,
C.C.
No, I did not forget about you, life got in the way. Like seriously in the way, here is the condensed version:
~Moved from Maine to New Hampshire
~Was doing chemo in between said move
~Had to deal with the youngest's issues, and they were many!
~Had to get my life back on track which is not easy to do when life is in total chaos!
So, here we are now, and I am back, and oh, I forgot to mention in that little list up there, my hard drive went on my laptop and it took me about two months to fix. It wasn't officially fixed until I settled in here in New Hampshire. So I am back on track and so happy to be back! So let's dive right in shall we????
Remember how I stated in my first blog post here that this was going to be about my journey as a crystal healer and Reiki Master? Well, let me refresh your memory in case you forgot:
Back in December of 2012 I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was on the right side of my brain and the pain was excruciating.It was successfully removed in Boston at Brigham and Woman's Hospital by a rock star brain surgeon and my outlook and healing were awesome. Then, we got the pathology report back: the tumor was not cancerous but it will never go away. It will come back, when, we don't know. I am under careful watch at Dana Farber (that is where my Neuro Oncologist is) and it is pretty much a waiting game. Every MRI that I have had up until this point has been clean, no spots, no issues. And then in May of this year they found a spot. It wasn't very big, but it was still there. My neuro onc likes to be proactive about this type of thing so he put me on six rounds of chemo, my last does will be this month. After September's dose made me violently ill, I decided to make sure that this dose was going to go as best as I could make it. So, besides all of the meds that I had to help I decided to be proactive and use my other tools that I had: my crystals and Reiki. The trick with chemo is your platelets. If they get too low you can get very sick. They have to be up high enough to withstand the chemo, and then it starts all over again. Needless to say my platelets were screwed after my last dose. They were very low and I was feeling really crappy, so I grabbed my crystals and started working with them on a daily/nightly basis. Now, I didn't sit and just meditate, what I did was every night when I went to bed I would light some incense and get comfy and for 30 minutes just lay there and let the energies of the crystals do their thing. I also did some light Reiki to help, and after about a week my platelets were up to where they needed to be! I have kept a written account of my sessions and maybe in the future will publish them. So, after a week of working with crystals and Reiki, my platelets are at 205! So, this is my work and I am proof that with intent and working with what you have crystals and energy healing like Reiki can work!
The key to this is, having patience. I am not patient by nature (total Aries) but with healing in mind I knew I had to work with my tools and let the energies do their work and not interfere with the process. 30 minutes was not a whole lot of time out of my day, and I look forward to that time at night. So, does crystal healing work? For me, yes it does and I will continue to use it going forward even after my last dose of chemo and to maybe even keep the tumor from coming back! It is a long shot but one that I will document as I go along!
So tell me, how have you been?
Till next time,
C.C.
Friday, February 20, 2015
Do You Have Enough?
Some times, I have to ask myself that. It's not about possessions or money, it's about patience and understanding. Lately this seems to be my mantra. My youngest child has been going through a rough patch, she has depression and social/separation anxiety. Since December we have been going back and forth to the doctor and doing counseling. In the midst of all of this we have had to deal with school issues on top of that and trying to find the right medication for her so she will feel better. It has been overwhelming at times. It's made me question myself as a mother, you know, how did I let this happen? Why didn't I see the warning signs? All of those nasty little thoughts ran through my mind.
As someone who lives with depression, I know how hard it can be to function on a daily basis. Never mind being a teenager and trying to find out who you are on top of it. I am not ashamed to say that I take two medications to manage my depression and anxiety. The medication is what makes it possible for me to function like a normal human being and live my life to the fullest. I want that for my youngest. I want her to be able to feel good and start living her life like she should be. Not trapped in a dark depression that robs her of enjoying things like she use to.
Through out the many sessions I have gone to with her, the thoughts that ran through my mind is: "I need to have plenty of patience and compassion. This is going to be long bumpy road for us, but we will get through it." I always have to keep that in mind as I deal with the numerous appointments, melt-downs, and medications. Sometimes it is easy, and sometimes it is not. On the days that it is not I try to find glimpses of hope in her. I remind myself that having patience and compassion is a vital part of being a parent.
What keeps me going through all of this is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. As long as I keep showing her patience and compassion and love she will keep fighting. Right now, that in itself is enough for me. We will keep on slaying each dragon as it comes.
Until next time,
C.C.
As someone who lives with depression, I know how hard it can be to function on a daily basis. Never mind being a teenager and trying to find out who you are on top of it. I am not ashamed to say that I take two medications to manage my depression and anxiety. The medication is what makes it possible for me to function like a normal human being and live my life to the fullest. I want that for my youngest. I want her to be able to feel good and start living her life like she should be. Not trapped in a dark depression that robs her of enjoying things like she use to.
Through out the many sessions I have gone to with her, the thoughts that ran through my mind is: "I need to have plenty of patience and compassion. This is going to be long bumpy road for us, but we will get through it." I always have to keep that in mind as I deal with the numerous appointments, melt-downs, and medications. Sometimes it is easy, and sometimes it is not. On the days that it is not I try to find glimpses of hope in her. I remind myself that having patience and compassion is a vital part of being a parent.
What keeps me going through all of this is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. As long as I keep showing her patience and compassion and love she will keep fighting. Right now, that in itself is enough for me. We will keep on slaying each dragon as it comes.
Until next time,
C.C.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Living with a Malignant Disease
I live with a malignant brain tumor. No it is not cancerous, but it will never really go away either. I had surgery to remove it back in 2013, the surgery was successful, then went through six weeks of radiation and a year of chemo. I go every other month to Dana Farber in Boston for MRI's and to check in with my neuro oncologist. They monitor me very closely because I am young and it is unusual for some one my age to have this kind of tumor. So, having this has put a lot in perspective for me. Each day is a gift, my children are my happiness, I appreciate my family and friends even more. Things that at one time would have been frustrating and upsetting are now not as major or upsetting. I have become stronger both spiritually and personally.
The down side to all of this is knowing that at some point the tumor will return. We don't know when, not even my neuro oncologist can say. I live with this now every day. I try to stay upbeat and positive for family and friends. I have my good days and my bad days. I tell myself that it could have been a lot worse than what it was. My doctors have all been very happy with how well I have done so far. That in and of itself gives me a small ray of hope that maybe someday there will be a cure for it. For now, I keep going forward and trying to make the best life I can with this that I have been given. I wake up grateful each day that I am here and alive. I take it one day at a time, one moment at time.
To say that I am not afraid is an understatement. I do not live in fear, I live my life to the fullest and to the happiest I can. I have become a healer and my mission is to help heal those who need it. In this capacity I know that I can at least change some one else's life. I can put things in better perspective, I am more tolerant and forgiving of others. I do have a better sense of self peace and that in and of itself has helped me to face this battle in the long run.
The down side to all of this is knowing that at some point the tumor will return. We don't know when, not even my neuro oncologist can say. I live with this now every day. I try to stay upbeat and positive for family and friends. I have my good days and my bad days. I tell myself that it could have been a lot worse than what it was. My doctors have all been very happy with how well I have done so far. That in and of itself gives me a small ray of hope that maybe someday there will be a cure for it. For now, I keep going forward and trying to make the best life I can with this that I have been given. I wake up grateful each day that I am here and alive. I take it one day at a time, one moment at time.
To say that I am not afraid is an understatement. I do not live in fear, I live my life to the fullest and to the happiest I can. I have become a healer and my mission is to help heal those who need it. In this capacity I know that I can at least change some one else's life. I can put things in better perspective, I am more tolerant and forgiving of others. I do have a better sense of self peace and that in and of itself has helped me to face this battle in the long run.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Fur, Facebook and Snow
This has been my life as of late. The fur part belongs to my youngest's cat, Onyx, he has a chronic upper respiratory virus which when it acts up it makes him very sick. The unfortunate part of this is it also affects his eyes, his left eye especially. Last week it got to the point where his left eye ruptured which ment a visit to the emergency vet clinic. His right eye had a small infection so he was put on clavamox and some eye ointment. Took him to vet the next day and it was confirmed that the eye was a loss and could potentially mean surgery. The surgery itself is going to be 375.00, and that does not include the aftercare he is going to need. So, my sister and I went to work, we put together a Facebook page and a gofundme account to raise the money. The links are below if you would like to donate or follow along with his progress and healing.
Then there is the snow. And there is a lot of it! We received over 30 inches of it from Tuesday into Wednesday. And there is another storm coming with possibly another foot of snow! I have yet to venture out into the vast land of white, simply because there is no place to go and the Mayor asked everyone to stay off the roads. We still have some snow to dig out of, and the drifts are piled up fairly high. I am at the point where Hawaii is looking really good at this point! New England is nice to visit, but in the winter it just sucks. So while I have been imprisoned in the house, I have taken to making small pouches for my crystals with left over yarn. I have several crystals that are my power healers, these crystals have a high vibration and if I need to bring them with me to crystal healing sessions I want them to be protected. So, I have been happily knitting away small pouches for these crystals! I will be posting pictures of these cute little pouches on the new Facebook page that I have set up for the blog.
So, all in all it has been far from dull around here. I know the weather is only temporary; all things are impermanent. I will be glad when spring is here, the time of renewal and rebirth. So for the time being I will be knitting and art journaling away the hours for now! Oh, and I am going to be doing a monthly blog post covering the stones and crystals associated with the month! Stay tuned for that starting in February!
Until next time,
The Crystal Catalyst
The following are the links for our kitty's pages:
Gofundme-http://thecrystalcatalyst.blogspot.com
Facebook-https://www.facebook.com/pages/Onyx-the-Half-Blind-Cat/1395494750754106
And the new page for the Crystal Catalyst-https://www.facebook.com/thecrystalcatalyst
Then there is the snow. And there is a lot of it! We received over 30 inches of it from Tuesday into Wednesday. And there is another storm coming with possibly another foot of snow! I have yet to venture out into the vast land of white, simply because there is no place to go and the Mayor asked everyone to stay off the roads. We still have some snow to dig out of, and the drifts are piled up fairly high. I am at the point where Hawaii is looking really good at this point! New England is nice to visit, but in the winter it just sucks. So while I have been imprisoned in the house, I have taken to making small pouches for my crystals with left over yarn. I have several crystals that are my power healers, these crystals have a high vibration and if I need to bring them with me to crystal healing sessions I want them to be protected. So, I have been happily knitting away small pouches for these crystals! I will be posting pictures of these cute little pouches on the new Facebook page that I have set up for the blog.
So, all in all it has been far from dull around here. I know the weather is only temporary; all things are impermanent. I will be glad when spring is here, the time of renewal and rebirth. So for the time being I will be knitting and art journaling away the hours for now! Oh, and I am going to be doing a monthly blog post covering the stones and crystals associated with the month! Stay tuned for that starting in February!
Until next time,
The Crystal Catalyst
The following are the links for our kitty's pages:
Gofundme-http://thecrystalcatalyst.blogspot.com
Facebook-https://www.facebook.com/pages/Onyx-the-Half-Blind-Cat/1395494750754106
And the new page for the Crystal Catalyst-https://www.facebook.com/thecrystalcatalyst
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